on writing blog posts

It happens to me all of the time. I'll see a picture and think a seemingly profound thought. I'll want to write about it, and then life happens. When I finally get a moment to sit and process, the good idea for a blog post has drained away. I wonder if learning to paint might help, that way people can take whatever they want from the picture in my head. Instead, I sit in pity wondering. God has shown me so many beautiful things over the years, and I want to share. Why don't I? Anyone have a good answer for this?

Just a Thought - Happy and Sad Together

Our world is saturated with happy and sad. Some days are happier, some more sad. We live inside a conundrum. The world is a mixed-up place. It exists with hope in a God whose love is a part of who He is. It also exists as a playing ground for Evil for now. And, even some things that are good, desires of our hearts that are never met, are out of our reach for now. Like I said, intensely mixed-up. I watched this play out today. I watched as a Truman graduate was prayed out of the CCF ministry and on to 'real life' in between of all of the prayers for a new school year and new freshmen coming in. The tears were a beautiful and horrible reminder of how things here are so often really sad and exciting at the same time. Were we really meant to live this mixed up? No - if we had only not messed up in the garden, right? The story is a messy one. Jesus had to die for us. But think about it...without that, without hope, it wouldn't be a mixed up world. It would just be sad, lonely, murderous and extremely ugly. Because of His sacrifice, we get to live mixed-up. We get to experience grief with the hope of a better tomorrow. We get to have peace inside, even when our world is crumbling. We get to do both. We get to be happy and sad together.

It's time for school to start. Again?

I don't foresee this blog post turning into much, so don't get your hopes up. I just keep thinking about how I want to sit down and actually write something in this blog that's been sitting wordless for over a year. I have even started keeping a list entitled "blog topics." I guess that just means that I spend too many hours doing too many other things.

Well, anyway, here we go. Here are a few aimless words about summers and school years. This is the first summer in many years where I have not traveled overseas for some sort of missions project. I did travel to many states for visits, but it was not quite the same. I miss being in places where I don't understand the prominent language. I miss being in places where I am the minority. I don't like being the normal one, remember?

One of my favorite moments of the summer actually took place in a Starbucks in Houston. I walked into the line for my Iced Passion Tea and overheard a conversation in what I believe was one of the Eastern European languages or possibly Russian. I felt like I was home. I've never been to Russia, and even though I have been to Bulgaria, that's the only Eastern European country I've stepped foot in. How is it that I felt at home by hearing a language other than my own? Weird, yet it still makes me smile and sigh. I miss it.

I'll talk about my ideas of home in another blog post. For now, it's time to get ready for the school year. It's time for Truman State to begin bustling with students again. It's time to be overwhelmed with too much to do. I'm excited about new students coming and "old" ones returning. I'm excited to start a new school year.

Well, I told you this wouldn't be too long or too interesting. I'm rambling. I've written something, though, and that's a great jump start for me. Like the new year, I hope this is a new start to a blog-habit. I miss it!

heaven

The preacher today talked about heaven. He referenced I Corinthians 2 verses 9 and 10 and I've been thinking about it all day. No eye has ever seen, no ear has ever heard, no mind can conceive...but God has revealed it by His Spirit. No, our minds don't know, but there is a part of us (the part that yearns desperately for heaven) that knows what we are missing. Our minds can't know it, but our spirit, who is dancing with the Trinity, knows. I think that's why I hurt from my gut most every time I hear or read or sing about heaven. There is a deep longing to be satisfied inside me. Thank You, Papa God, for the satisfaction to come.

i can't sleep

So, its after 2am in Florida, but because its afternoon in Cambodia, I'm awake. It also could have something to do with the fact that I slept til 2 this afternoon. Or maybe its because my mind is reeling with thoughts of mortality. During the three short weeks that I was in SE Asia, two friends passed from this life to heaven. You can read about these amazing friends at www.nmsi.org. John and I worked together. I will miss his quiet spirit who always asked how I was doing. He was the hardest worker I know. Kylee will also be dearly missed. Kylee was there during my worst days. She sometimes took the brunt of my anger and yet she never gave up on me. She showed me so much love and care. There really is no one better that I've met at tough love. She loved me, but even more she loved Jesus and therefore hated sin. So, she confronted it. And, loved me through it. My life is changed significantly because of the clear reflection that Kylee is of Christ. Now, the fallen world is no longer her playground. She doesn't have to be angry at sin. She is dancing with real and perfect joy now. I miss you, Kylee. This also reminded me of 2008. I lost a good friend and my grandfather that year. I'm so excited for the reunion that will happen when time fails us and Yahweh is King here on Earth. I can't wait to know all of my loved ones in their perfect form. What an eternity that will be. For now, I will grieve the loss. And, Yahweh will help me through.