Sunday, February 15, 2009

from Saul to Paul

...and Saul was there, giving approval to [Steven's] death (Acts 8:1a)...but Saul began to destroy the church (Acts 8:3a)...meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord's disciples (Acts 9:1a).
..Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing (Acts 9:8a)...But the Lord said to Ananias, "Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name. Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said, "Brother Saul, the Lord-Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here-has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit.(Acts 9:15-17)...When he came to Jerusalem, he tried to join the disciples, but they were all afraid of him, not believing that he really was a disciple. (Acts 9:27)
...So Saul stayed with them and moved about freely in Jerusalem, speaking boldly in the name of the Lord. (Acts 9:28)...Then the church throughout Judea, Galilee and Samaria enjoyed a time of peace. It was strengthened; and encouraged by the Holy Spirit, it grew in numbers, living in the fear of the Lord. (Acts 9:31)
Father please blind me that I might see...please help me and others see that i am Your disciple...please help me see my Barnabas...then, Lord, please bring us your peace and strength and encouragement living in fear of You alone.

Saturday, February 14, 2009


when i say this, it's not intended for beating myself up with, it's simply for stating...i'm not very good at loving people, especially those that are the closest to me.  recently, i've let my fear that turns to self-protective anger (my sin) get in the way of relationships.  i say that i want community, but when it starts to get uncomfortable because it perpetuates the refining process, i get scared and lash out (again, my sin).  i say that i want to be loved, but when someone gets too close, i get scared and react (again, usually angrily and hurtfully).  i am what i have never wanted to be, i am abusive and evil.  AND, the only hope that i have is in the gentle love of Christ my savior.  please help me, Jesus, become more like you.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

a little bit of peace

i had a hard day today...i kept finding doors closed when i wanted and needed some answers from people. there are other things that made the day hard, too, so tonight i wanted to just get away and get some perspective. so, i started out by the river...its a beautiful place to watch the sunset. Now, I know that I'll get some rolled eyes with this one, was really chilly out by the river and after about 20 minutes, i couldn't be outside anymore. when i left the park, i didn't really know where i was going, i just knew i still wanted to be alone and thinking. so, i did what just about everybody does around 6pm...i went hunting for food. i decided to go south on the main road in ft myers. for those of you who don't know, south from where i live is the airport, and many of you know how i feel about airports. on my way to get food, i spotted an aircraft heading toward the airport, so that's what i did too. and, it made my day. i sat in the cell phone lot and just watched as the airplanes took off and landed. ft myers isn't a very large airport, but its pretty active, especially during snowbird season. sure, i would have rathered to be watching in atlanta or houston, but this did the trick, and besides, you don't get palm trees much in those cities. i was reminded how spectacular the machines that man has built are and that the air that the machines dance with still belongs to our creator. to me, its a beautiful dance to watch. maybe you should check it out sometime...see if you can appreciate it just a little more. :)

Sunday, February 01, 2009

i know better

not profound or brilliant, but...surely by now I have learned my more coffee at or after dinner time!!!