do you love me?

The pastor at my church has been preaching on the third encounter that Christ had with His disciples, found in John 21, and this past Sunday, he talked about the section of scripture where Jesus asks Peter three times "Do you love me?" I was relating to Peter a lot in this quick conversation, because I so often want to say, "Yes, Lord, you know I love you." What I'm slowly realizing, though, is that He is not asking this for His own sake. He is asking for mine. I was also thinking about Jesus' responses when Peter answered. There was trust in the answers. Feed my sheep, feed my lambs...Jesus knew that Peter would play a huge part in the start of the church, and it seems like, this was a bit of a passing of the baton to Peter. Take care of my people, Peter, I know that you can do it, and you can do it BECAUSE you love me.

I can only love others because I love Christ, and I can only love Christ, because He loves me. And, then...feeding can happen. Such simple, gospel truth, and it's amazing how many times a day that we can miss it.

I know that there is more to this passage...let me know what you think.

The Power of Indecision

It's amazing to me how powerful indecision can be. It can monopolize my thoughts and force me to think of nothing else. I get stuck in such a rut that I can not crawl out of it on my own. Wisdom does have a greater power, but how do I get it? Ask for it, right? Ok, I'm asking. Please LORD give me wisdom. I can't even buy a plane ticket without feeling like the minute I purchase the ticket is the minute the prices will go down or the minute a friend calls to say that they'll be in town and the ticket I just bought is returning the day after that. What on earth is keeping me from making rational, even good decisions. I need some Bible time...off I go!

heartache

why does sin cause so much heartache? Jesus come soon!!

new

is it spring where you are? Florida is weird, our seasons aren't normal, and that means that we've kinda skipped spring...our winter does feel a lot like spring, but its not the same when you don't get the deadness of winter that brings the amazing spectacle of spring.  nonetheless...it is spring.  and, spring means "new". and really, God is bringing me to new. God is bringing hope in places where i hadn't seen it before. He is showing me that He is alive and near. He is evident in heat of the day and the coolness of the night. i'm glad for spring...its bringing me nearer to Truth!

gifts

"This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength"

repentance, rest, quietness and trust...gifts from above that i way too often don't think of that way.  God help me to receive these today!

living in fear

"Do not be afraid, for I am with you"

from Saul to Paul

...and Saul was there, giving approval to [Steven's] death (Acts 8:1a)...but Saul began to destroy the church (Acts 8:3a)...meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord's disciples (Acts 9:1a).

THEN JESUS

..Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing (Acts 9:8a)...But the Lord said to Ananias, "Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name. Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said, "Brother Saul, the Lord-Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here-has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit.(Acts 9:15-17)...When he came to Jerusalem, he tried to join the disciples, but they were all afraid of him, not believing that he really was a disciple. (Acts 9:27)

THEN BARNABAS

...So Saul stayed with them and moved about freely in Jerusalem, speaking boldly in the name of the Lord. (Acts 9:28)...Then the church throughout Judea, Galilee and Samaria enjoyed a time of peace. It was strengthened; and encouraged by the Holy Spirit, it grew in numbers, living in the fear of the Lord. (Acts 9:31)

THEN PEACE

Father please blind me that I might see...please help me and others see that i am Your disciple...please help me see my Barnabas...then, Lord, please bring us your peace and strength and encouragement living in fear of You alone.

love

when i say this, it's not intended for beating myself up with, it's simply for stating...i'm not very good at loving people, especially those that are the closest to me.  recently, i've let my fear that turns to self-protective anger (my sin) get in the way of relationships.  i say that i want community, but when it starts to get uncomfortable because it perpetuates the refining process, i get scared and lash out (again, my sin).  i say that i want to be loved, but when someone gets too close, i get scared and react (again, usually angrily and hurtfully).  i am what i have never wanted to be, i am abusive and evil.  AND, the only hope that i have is in the gentle love of Christ my savior.  please help me, Jesus, become more like you.

a little bit of peace

i had a hard day today...i kept finding doors closed when i wanted and needed some answers from people. there are other things that made the day hard, too, so tonight i wanted to just get away and get some perspective. so, i started out by the river...its a beautiful place to watch the sunset. Now, I know that I'll get some rolled eyes with this one, but...it was really chilly out by the river and after about 20 minutes, i couldn't be outside anymore. when i left the park, i didn't really know where i was going, i just knew i still wanted to be alone and thinking. so, i did what just about everybody does around 6pm...i went hunting for food. i decided to go south on the main road in ft myers. for those of you who don't know, south from where i live is the airport, and many of you know how i feel about airports. on my way to get food, i spotted an aircraft heading toward the airport, so that's what i did too. and, it made my day. i sat in the cell phone lot and just watched as the airplanes took off and landed. ft myers isn't a very large airport, but its pretty active, especially during snowbird season. sure, i would have rathered to be watching in atlanta or houston, but this did the trick, and besides, you don't get palm trees much in those cities. i was reminded how spectacular the machines that man has built are and that the air that the machines dance with still belongs to our creator. to me, its a beautiful dance to watch. maybe you should check it out sometime...see if you can appreciate it just a little more. :)

i know better

not profound or brilliant, but...surely by now I have learned my lesson...no more coffee at or after dinner time!!!

make my day

I got to be a part of God working today. He loves me and I'm finally starting to really believe it. I just had to share, because it made my day!