love

when i say this, it's not intended for beating myself up with, it's simply for stating...i'm not very good at loving people, especially those that are the closest to me.  recently, i've let my fear that turns to self-protective anger (my sin) get in the way of relationships.  i say that i want community, but when it starts to get uncomfortable because it perpetuates the refining process, i get scared and lash out (again, my sin).  i say that i want to be loved, but when someone gets too close, i get scared and react (again, usually angrily and hurtfully).  i am what i have never wanted to be, i am abusive and evil.  AND, the only hope that i have is in the gentle love of Christ my savior.  please help me, Jesus, become more like you.